In my type of work, spiritual coaching and healing, I have to be aware of and address many core beliefs that people hold, especially the ones that tend to limit them in some way, like by creating disease or emotional suffering.

So the experience – or perception – of betrayal is something I come across a lot.

I’ve always thought that betrayal is about a violation of trust. You trust someone to give you love, to be there for you, to look out for you, to be loyal to you, and then suddenly they stop doing it. Voila, you’ve been betrayed.

To heal this perception requires understanding that there was actually a deficiency of trust in the first place, not of the person who betrayed you, but rather of yourself, which manifests as (rather than being created by) someone else pulling the rug out from under you. Another case of “It’s all done with mirrors.”

Recently, however, I came across another definition of betrayal, which really made me stop and think, and that for me has brought the kind of depth to working with this issue that invariably leads to spiritual growth – for my clients and myself. So I’ve decided to share it with you.

The new definition is this:

A person betrays when s/he refuses to accept a gift.

Like you (I imagine) I had to stop and re-read it and think about it. A person betrays me AND, more importantly, him/herself, not if s/he refuse to GIVE me what I want, but rather and ONLY if s/he REFUSES what I choose to give him/her.

Kind of mind-boggling (and counter-intuitive), isn’t it?

If this is true, then WHY is it true? And how do I now think about the other acts – the ones I’ve been calling betrayal?

Here’s what I’ve come to. Please remember – as always – that whatever I say is true for me, and not necessarily true for you. Take what you like and leave the rest. And feel free to leave your comments below with your own truths!

In the definition given above are embedded several fundamental Truths. (I’ve capitalized the word here because I believe these are spiritual laws.)

1. The universe is made of love. And God/Goddess – Spirit – Universal Consciousness or Source (whatever name works for you) wants us – as extensions of itself – to experience this love all the time.

2. We cannot destroy or diminish this Divine love in any way. We can, however, because we have free will, impede its flow, by forgetting that we are made of it and have access to it in infinite supply or in some other way convincing ourselves of the opposite of this.

3. We have everything we need at all times (this is probably a corollary of 2.) To believe otherwise – like that we have lost something essential – is to believe in an illusion, albeit a powerful one.

So…

If no one can take anything away from us, because in Reality we always have everything we need, then no one can betray us by taking anything away from us. (Remember, we’re speaking spiritually here, and spiritual needs are at the root of all others.) We remain connected to one another and to the Source of all our good ALWAYS. As eternal threads in the Divine tapestry of life, light and love, no one and nothing is ever really gone or destroyed.

So, what DOES constitute betrayal?

Well, if Spirit wants us to accept the greatest gift of all – Divine Love – of which all others gifts are extensions and reflections, then a giver is doing God’s will, and so is the receiver, since to receive is an equally important experience that Spirit wishes to have through us. Therefore, to refuse a gift is to deny and betray ourselves, the giver and Spirit itself – since in Reality we are all One – by impeding the flow of Love.

You may find this definition challenging. Take your time in working with it; feel the emotions that come up; allow yourself to work with and gently release the judgments and imprints you may have about what I have written here. I believe it will be well worth your while because this new way of looking at betrayal can empower you, set you free and help you open to receive Love in unending supply .

Recently a lot of information – and synchronicities – have been showing up for me indicating that 1) my most difficult experiences had been contracted with my own and others’ souls before this lifetime, and 2) that I am to help others understand how this plays out in their own lives.

In case this idea is new to you, I’ve provided a link at the end of this post to an article about soul contracts (the kind having to do with relationships, although there can be many others). And, if this idea resonates with you – brings up insights, feelings, questions – please post your comments below (rather than emailing to me directly, so that others may benefit as well). Remember to post your comments BEFORE clicking on the link (and leaving this page).

If we think of life as a game, then the objective, it seems to me, is to learn the lesson and experience the growth from our life events as quickly as possible to end (or avoid) our suffering and become better, more loving and more powerful creators.

So, being bound and determined to win this game, these days I’m analyzing my experiences and learning my life lessons with a full heart and at warp speed. And in case you’d like to dive into this work yourself, here are some of the questions I ask my Higher Self.

Is this discomfort chronic or a one-time/temporary/unrelated incident?

Do I have a prior, soul-driven agreement to experience this?

[If it involves another person] Did we make this agreement together?

This allows me to thank them at the end when I’ve gotten the lesson and let go of the emotional attachment to the suffering, as hard as that is to imagine when I’m in the midst of it.

Now for the lesson-learning part…

What spiritual quality is involved in my experience? Is it blocked – perhaps by a belief – or deficient (for whatever reason)?

There are many qualities to consider – it could be love and connectedness, freedom, goodness, power, humility, responsibility, integrity, trust, safety, etc., etc.

If I absolutely knew it to be true, what knowing would end the pain and conclude the lesson (with an A+)? [This must be about you, NOT about someone else.]

Here are some examples to get you started:

• I’m a magnificent, Divine being.
• I have everything I really need right now.
• God/Goddess/Spirit loves me.
• Life is eternal.
• I planned well, and my rewards are coming.
• I’m safe from harm.

If I’m not ready to accept that, what COULD I accept as a first step?

Examples:

• I’m growing stronger with each passing day.
• I have many blessings in my life.
• There are people who love and value me.

Now spend a few moments breathing in the knowing and releasing the judgments that have gotten in its way up to this point. Feel the peace. Feel the bliss.

Finally, offer gratitude to whoever has helped you learn this lesson for the agreement they made with you so long ago.

Until next time, love yourself unconditionally and never stop!

article on soul relationships

I wish to offer you a poem by May Sarton . For me this poem is as much a timely spiritual prophecy as it is a statement of great personal comfort. May it warm your heart as much as it does mine.

Of Molluscs

As the tide rises, the closed mollusc

Opens a fraction to the ocean’s food,

Bathed in its riches. Do not ask

What force would do, or if force could.

A knife is of no use against a fortress.

You might break it to pieces as gulls do.

No, only the rising tide and its slow progress

Opens the shell. Lovers, I tell you true.

You who have held yourselves closed hard

Against warm sun and wind, shelled up in fears

And hostile to a touch or tender word –

The ocean rises, salt as unshed tears.

Now you are floated on this gentle flood

That cannot force or be forced, welcome food

Salt as your tears, the rich ocean’s blood,

Eat, rest, be nourished on the tide of love.

Continuing with my musings on ways to understand and process our emotions, today it occurred to me that I’ve got some conflicting thoughts on what to do with emotional pain, and that writing about them and hearing your thoughts as well (please comment below) could help me resolve them.

So here’s the dilemma….

On the one hand I believe that my feelings – no matter what anyone (apparently) does or says to me – are 99% about me – my cellular memories, beliefs and imprints, my karma and current stage of spiritual evolution, and my soul’s plans for me – all of which created the experience in the first place as a way of helping me learn and grow. And that, therefore, it’s up to me to address the hurt within myself. In other words, no one can fix for me what was created within me.

On the other hand I believe that the relationship aspect is important to – that total honesty, including about all our feelings, is critical to relationships, that our experiences are CO-creations that develop through social interaction, and that feedback and compassionate response can be critical factors when it comes to noticing our effect on the world (in order to become more effective in the ways we consciously choose to be) as well as recognizing and healing our triggers.

After all, we do have the ability to communicate for a reason.

So here are the questions:

Could we heal and evolve in isolation?

Is talking about a hurt – even sometimes to the point of screaming or crying to someone else – a necessary element of the alchemy of transformation or is it much less helpful than heretofore believed?

Can even blame become a path to growth if responded to in a way that helps the one doing it shift the perspective and reclaim their power and the one committing the perceived offense become more aware, emotionally skilled and compassionate?

Or put another way: Is there anything that is better left unsaid?

I invite your comments.